


It's Nothing

by Nikkoleon



Category: SCP Foundation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 11:10:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20114143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikkoleon/pseuds/Nikkoleon
Summary: Everyone has their inner demons.





	It's Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> SCP OC/Vent Drabble

**It’s Nothing**

If there’s one thing that’s true about the world, it’s that the world is a very broken and unfair place. Some live wondrous lives with adventure, fortune, love, happiness, power, and content. Others wallow in poverty, pain, depression, lies, and emptiness. There are those who break from the false shells they carry, but there are those who are consumed until they’re a fraction of who they used to be: innocent and naive.

She walks through life unsure of where she fully falls into. Her own emotions feel cradled by fractured bonds that break when most inconvenient and hold strong when not. She’s unsure of how to react to situations or feel proper empathy when it is needed. Does this make her bad? It’s a question that flows along the boundaries of her mind from time to time, but only when these issues really present themselves. With her struggle of her own state of mind, she’s never sure how life really presents itself to her. 

Some days are easy where she can smile and laugh. These days are fickle, but there and she feels like she takes them for granted. She always kicks herself in the ass when she understands the true value of those moments. In these times, she craves being surrounded by those she cares for.

She smiles at the man who gives a flick of the rim of his hat to push it upward as his eyes gaze on her, his grin wide knowing that he’s about to dump a lot of paperwork on her. This is ok though because he knows she can handle it and hasn’t pushed her limits beyond their breaking point. She strokes head to the tail-tip of the chattering cat in her lap as the two reviews, adjusts, adds, and review again the assignments she has. She sticks her tongue out playfully to the man in a new body that he received only a day before he snatched some leftovers from her lunch as he laughed knowing that she didn’t like sides of the meal served on that day anyway and wouldn’t pursue. She chuckles as her fingers move over the screen of her phone, adding her own comment to the flowing chat that she’s currently having with friends located in different areas for the time being. These are the days she feels are best.

Then there are days where she can’t even look her higher-ups in the eyes in shame of things she hasn’t even done. There are days where she finds her lap empty of a purring co-worker because she couldn’t bring herself to locate the cat. There are days where she halts herself from speaking to the pedant holder because she knows she’ll speak too much and too freely. There are days she doesn’t log into the chat because she knows the world continues on without the presence of a single person among a sea of other individuals. There are days where even her own company in an isolated room is too much.

Scream, but her maturity should keep her from throwing fits. Cry, but she’s nothing to cry over because everything is alright. Beg, but no one will understand what she needs if she even needs anything at all. Bleed, but the blood won’t flow from where the pain ever so tightening is located. She can’t be strong but doesn’t want to be weak. She needs people to see that she’s asking for help and an ear to lend, but she can’t bring herself to ask.

Please ask me how I’m doing today. Please see through the visual messages I’m sending. Please give me something to lean on. Her fingers clench.

Please don’t think of me as a burden. Please don’t see me as selfish. Please don’t toss me away because I’m negative. Her teeth bite into the soft flesh of her lower lip.

Please make me feel like life is worth continuing. Please help me see that I’m wanted. Please show me that everything will be ok. Her eyes squeeze shut in an attempt to stop whatever tears she refused to allow through.

Please. Please. Please. Please. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Help. Help. Help. Help.

Her chest is aching. Her mind is in a whirl. Her very being feels as though it’s in a fog, thicker than the air she can breathe. She’s drowning. She’s suffocating. Even little things are adding enough weight to her to pull her into the murky abyss.

I hate this.

Her mind ventures to the wrong things she’s said to people.

I hate this.

Her mind ventures to the wrong things she’s done to people.

I HATE this.

Her mind ventures to the wrong ways she’s presented herself to people.

I.HATE. THIS.

“Hey, you can always talk to me if you need.” The voice speaks with softness and warmth that she’s familiar with. Dr. Nikkoleon’s eyes narrow as she fills her mug with the coffee she had just finished brewing.

“I know. I will. Thank you.” She replies with a smile on her face, takes a sip to make sure she’s gotten the cup just to her liking and makes her exit to start another day. She’s been told the same thing by many people, but she never really does bring herself to take them up on the offer. She wants to, but she doesn’t.

Lately, she’s felt as though she’s on her own in the world. It’s a thought that even she knows isn’t true, but it still hangs around her like a veil. It’s another one of those days, but very few people will even know. This isn’t the place for her issues, she tells herself. The world doesn’t revolve around her, and she needs to become stronger. Today, she works alone.

The world is a very unfair and broken place.


End file.
